Praying for Others.

Praying for others can be one of the most beautiful, encouraging things we can do. It often comes naturally when we’re lifting up people we love—friends who are chasing a dream, family members going through a hard time, or someone who’s sick or hurting. In those moments, our hearts soften and our prayers flow easily.

But, what about praying for others who have hurt us?

Yeah… Not so easy anymore.

That warm feeling may be gone. The words don’t seem to come as naturally. Maybe we actually don’t even want to pray for them. Maybe we’re still angry, still grieving, or still trying to make sense of what happened. And to be honest, the last thing we really want to do sometimes is pray for them.

So, how do we even do it? How do we pray for them? What do we say? What if we are still caught in the crevasse between obedience and resentment?

Let’s talk about it (honestly).

What Scripture Says

Jesus tells us to “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you” (Matthew 5:44). It sounds like a great and noble sentiment; until you’re the one who actually has to do it. That verse can be a tough pill to swallow when you are still standing in the wreckage of a past or current hurt, when your boundaries have been crossed, and when you still feel anger in your heart towards someone.

But here’s the thing.

We really can’t do it on our own, right? That’s the whole point. If it were up to us and us alone, we would never pray for those people. We would let our anger and bitterness eat away at our hearts until there was nothing left but a black hole of hate that would eventually devour us.

And so, we need Jesus. We need Him for everything, so it’s really a given that we’d need him for the extra hard stuff. So, before you start your prayer journey for this person, it might be time that you start one for yourself. Make sure that your heart is in the right place first. Then you can begin to pray for them.

And, don’t forget; praying for this person is not “excusing” their actions. It’s not pretending that what happened was okay. It doesn’t mean reconciling before you’re ready, or reintroducing yourself to a bad situation. It means giving God the space to do something that only He can do— something in them, and maybe even something in you.

So… How do we actually do it?

1.) Start with honesty.

First of all, be honest with God. He already knows your heart, so you don’t have to fake it. If you are still holding on to anger or resentment, say so. “God, I don’t want to pray for this person. I’m still angry and hurting. But I want to want to. Help me get there.” That is a prayer. A real, raw, and honest one.

2.) Keep it simple.

You don’t need to pray flowery, forgiving words that you don’t really believe yet. Start small. “God, I release this person to You and the anger and bitterness that is growing in my heart. Do what only You can do.” You are not responsible for changing their heart, just handing them over to the One who can, releasing any responsibility or control that never was yours to begin with.

3.) Pray for healing (yours and theirs).

You can ask God to help them become healthier, more self-aware, and closer to Him—not because you’re “letting them off the hook,” but because you’re letting go of the poison that grows from holding on too tightly.

Praying for their healing will look different depending on your personal situation, but it’s important to stay self aware. Are your prayers spiteful? Are you praying for that person’s downfall? Do you find yourself wishing that they’d “hit rock bottom” not for their own benefit but for yours? If you find yourself doing such things, it may be time to begin by praying about your own healing, first.

Yes, it’s going to be really, really hard.

4.) Let. Go.

Give it to God. You trying to control the situation yourself? Not going to work. (When does it ever??)

5.) Remember that forgiveness is a process.

Forgiveness is not a one-time-thing. Praying for someone also doesn’t mean that you’ve fully forgiven them yet. Prayer is a part of the path that leads to forgiveness, not the final proof that you’ve arrived. It’s okay to be in progress.

When it still feels impossible…

There are some wounds that are so deep that even saying the name of the person feels too heavy. If you’re in that place, just remember that God is patient with you. He is not rushing you through healing. He sees every tear, every stomach ache, every sleepless night, every moment you’ve tried to move forward.

You can pray for someone and still maintain boundaries. You can pray for someone and still grieve what they did. You can pray for someone and still choose distance.

Forgiveness is not access, but rather a release of what not ever yours to carry.

Let God Do the Heart Work

At the end of the day, praying for people who have hurt us isn’t about proving our spirituality or righteousness. It’s not about becoming a doormat. It’s about choosing peace and love over bitterness, and freedom over control. It’s about letting God be God—not just in their life, but also in ours.

If you can’t pray for them yet, pray for yourself.

So, if all you can utter is “God, help me let go,” that is enough.